Log in

Jan. 16th, 2010

It might be easier to just wig out. To lose my mind and learn that the only silhouettes, are seen at sunset. Because those things are easily forgotten.

(don't) FORGET

[Written on 1/8/10]

I'm 17, and oddly enough, I don't feel older. I mean, I'm only a day older then I was yesterday, a year older than I was last year- but I am that everyday. So why are birthdays so damn special? I guess it's a stupid question for me to ask. I always get so excited on other people's brithdays. I feel like it's an excuse to want to make them happy, because wanting people happy on a regular day tends to weird some people out. So you can do nice things for people for a reason, instead of for no reason at all. Which makes me kind of mad, because why should everything have a reason?
I keep digging into my thoughts, hoping for some sort of epiphany. Some sort of stupid realization of something. Like Helen Keller, and her stupid water. I can see myself, and my daily routine. I am terrified. The people that build my life could easily disappear right? I've had them disappear before. And so, like you, I look back. I forget, for a moment, what holds me up, and remember what held me up. And for a moment, I am happy. That's not to say I am unhappy now, it's just a different kind of happy. And I do feel older now, although I may have misunderstood the meaning. The more I let go of, the older I feel, and all the sudden I sympathize with Holden Caufield more than ever before, because I would just as much like to know where the ducks go when the lake freezes over.

In other news.
A. Shut up.
B. Thanks for being an asshole xD


I may not have everything,

but I have a whole lot.

Don't forget

I must say,

This has proven to be harder than anticipated.

Or maybe just as hard as anticipated?

I do not like it.

My birthday's this Friday.
I would like to be enlightened.

I'll tell you

All of this will drive me to an unstable point.
I can't stand feeling so far away to something I want to be so close to.


It's funny, because the right words never come out. And after it all, I'm always standing up, uncomfortably, thinking of all the things I should have said, but never will say.
What do you want to do before you die?

Fall in love again.
See the Northern Lights.
Be in snow.
Go on a road trip.
Go to Europe.
Touch every ocean.
Write a book.
Leave an impact.

Jake Couture

Look, Jake.
I know I didn’t know you that well, or maybe at all, but I know you didn’t deserve to die. Because what happened to you could have been avoided. And it’s such a horrible situation. I’m praying, over and over again in my head, for your friends and family. Because I know all you would want right now is for them to be okay. Rest in peace, forever.
- Valentina Floegel

" Valentina Floegel,
When I write, it's always for you. Whether it's about the sky, or about that sideways rain the makes you sad, or about some person living in my dreams, these words on paper and in my brain, my thoughts in verse, are meant for you. Like a diary with no reader or an unsent letter I can write all day and find not meaning in the words without your eyes to see. What happened? We have everyone we need? Don't we don't we don't we don't. I read this letter, and I cried, but as soon as I read the words I could feel nothing. What does it mean to miss someone so greatly, one no longer has the ability to feel? Is that even possible? We have parted to depart on different sinking ships; we're no longer flailing or calling for help. We are adrift at sea, only you seem to have caught on to the current while my indecision helps me find no direction. You were the most beautiful person I knew, what do I do now? I apologize for this stranded year, this year that I lost the few things I knew. I am sorry, but I don't forgive you. There is nothing to forgive. There is nothing we could have done that would have made us hold on and stick any longer. You can't grow without falling apart a little first, right? You can't become stronger without letting go of something. I am a better person because of you. I believe in life a little more because of you. You are in every piece of my existence, either your words, your thoughts, your continuous strength to hold on. And even though I miss you more every Single day, even though I feel like we have disconnected after we swore we never would, I am happy. I am happy with my life, the things I do, the few good friends I have. I think you are happy as well. You are loved by everyone who knows you well- it is impossible to not. I am always hopeful for tomorrow, for the clouds to allow our sun to shine through. And it is ours, the sun. shining so brightly, even at night. One day I will know you again as you will know me, and we will never fade again. Stars in the same Galaxy, if you will, for we will outlive science and religion and logical thought. Thank you for the world I would never have known without knowing you.

'Best Friends' means 'friends forever', as long as one day our roads intertwine.
I love you always,

Thank you so much.
Thank you so fucking much.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

God, you're nothing now. And it's never been so heavy on my heart. So unreachable. So fucking gone. And it's funny, because I've never loved you more than I might now.

Look at you. Obsolete. Completely gone. Away. I'm putting you away, my favourite plastic cup, my only way to feel, the only thing I ever look forward to anymore. And why? Why. This is as much a question as a statement. Because you won't love me. And you will never love me. And I will never love you either. Because love is only real when shared. And although I have enough for me, I could never, alone, make myself mean enough for you. You can light a match, and you can have fire, but it only becomes A fire when there is more substance. And my small flame alone is not enough to burn much on its own. You don't have that much of me, but you could have so much of me. I'd let you. But look at you. Gone. In heart, in presence. In voice you are still here, in memory you are still here. Why are you still here? When I'm throwing you away. When you could never mean more, because you don't give me anything to make of something. How can such little nothings become such large somethings?

Never said it would be simple.


Dec. 27th, 2009

I could never understand it well. It was like you called and called, but people never answered when you wanted them to. I couldn't even find an analogy for what I was attempting to explain. It was like, life. The way things work out. And thousands of mixed emotions and situations that never make sense. There weren't 9 circles of Hell, but millions, and each of us were standing in the middle of them.


control yourself

Latest Month

May 2010


RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow